Do you want to live in a state of war or peace?
Often people get caught up in the family law system rushing off to Family Court in the belief that Family Court Orders will bring them peace in their family.
Is that what you think?
Think again because if you are at war with your child’s other parent a piece of paper, even if the piece of paper is a Court Order, will not guarantee you peace.
The only thing that can guarantee you peace is a way to reach agreement when you disagree. And you will disagree. Even when you were married there were things that you did not see eye to eye on. Once you separate and grow further apart that is only going to increase.
What’s war got to do with family conflict?
When I talk about war I don’t mean war between nations. I mean war between people. You and your former partner to be specific.
I hope that things have not escalated that far but it is a very short step from conflict up to violence and war. A step that can happen in a moment.
By war I mean behaviour that is designed to harm the “enemy”. When you are at war you don’t see the enemy as being a person with the same feelings and needs as you do. You de-humanise them and turn them into a monster in your own mind. Someone who must be controlled or destroyed before they destroy you. Dramatic language but do a search for family violence and you’ll see examples of behaviour that fits alongside the worst war crimes imaginable.
The conflict volcano is a graphic representation of what the escalation from peace up to war looks like. It also shows you that there are strategies at every step of the way available to help you to get back to peace.
What will it be? War or peace?
If you want peace the first thing to do is work out where you are on the conflict escalation volcano. An Interact Support Separation and Divorce Consultation is an excellent way to do that.
You may be at any level on the volcano even if you are still married.
Do you feel at peace in your relationship and do you have strategies that are working for you to resolve your differences and disagreements?
If you do that is fantastic. If you don’t there is help to improve your interpersonal and relationship skills available. You’ll find that developing your skills in this area will pay off in every aspect of your life including with your extended family and friends and at work.
Sign up for our newsletter to get weekly tips on improving your interpersonal relationship skills and contact us if you are caught up in conflict for help to get out of the danger zone before you find yourself at war.