A transformative approach to resolving relationship issues using a no-blame transformative mediation process to help you to re-negotiate your relationship rules.
The first question in transformative relationship mediation is "Do you want a healthy ongoing relationship with that other person?"
If you both want that then transformative relationship mediation may be an option.
Transformative Relationship Mediation (TRM) is a way for people in an ongoing relationship to discuss and work through problems in the relationship with the help of an independent third party (the mediator).
The problems that come up in relationships are often caused by differences in expectations which can come from different family backgrounds and life experiences. When these sorts of issues come up in the perfect world, we talk them through and work out a way forward.
Mediation is not the same as counselling. It is future focused, blame free and works towards a plan for the future.
The mediator helps you to communicate respectfully, to clarify the issues you’re experiencing and to look at your options so that you can (we hope) find a workable solution that you can both live with and continue your relationship.
Who uses Transformative relationship Mediation?
Transformative Couples Mediation
The most common type of Transformative Relationship Mediation is in couple relationships.
Sometimes people entering a committed relationship use it to set their relationship path as well as those who are married or de facto but experiencing issue.
Some of the things you can do in Transformative Relationship Mediation are:
- Discuss and negotiating parenting strategies – very valuable if you are forming a blended family or if family of origin issues are hurting your relationship
- Negotiate how to share your space – very valuable if you have different views about housekeeping and sharing of household chores
- Negotiating changes to how you live – very helpful if you are getting stuck on a proposal to move or make some other major change that will impact your partner.
- Discussing intimacy and personal needs – TRM is not sex therapy but you can discuss anything that is causing harm to your relationship to help you to develop an agreed plan for the future.
- Negotiating finances and financial support – help to resolve very different expectations regarding financial management and how you make decisions about spending money can be corrosive in a relationship.
- Negotiating how you speak to and treat each other – if you were raised in a home where you were exposed to family violence you may not even realise that you are emotionally abusive to your partner. If you do realise and want to change transformative couples’ mediation may help you to discuss what is needed and make an agreement. Do our Are you emotionally abusive quiz if you are not sure.
- Negotiating a resolution to any other interpersonal problems or decision-making issues that are harming your relationship.
Transforming other relationships
Transformative Relationship Mediation can be used to help resolve problems in other relationships as well.
Often used in family relationship issues but can be used between business partners or others who both want a harmonious working relationship.
Some of the types of relationships that can benefit from transformative relationship mediation are:
- Parents and grandparents – if you are feeling “in-law” pressure or finding spending time with your grandchildren difficult this type of mediation can help you to understand the pressures that are affecting your relationship and resolve them.
- Brothers, sisters, and cousins – if something has happened to damage your sibling or other close family relationship TRM can be a way to meet and talk about it without it turning into an argument.
- Alienated adult children – if you and your child became alienated during their teenage years and both want to reconnect Transformative Relationship Mediation can be a way of rebuilding bridges in a safe and managed way.
- Close friends and other personal relationships – sometimes important friendships reach their use by date but more often something happens that causes a disruption that can be overcome so that you do not lose your valued friendships.
- Colleagues and Co-Founders – business partners or colleagues at work may prefer a more transformative approach to mediation rather than the more problem solving facilitate mediation approach of standard workplace mediation. In transformative mediation the focus is more on identifying and resolving the source of relationship dysfunction rather than a written agreement.
- Club and association members – often small clubs, not for profits or other associations can be torn apart by conflict spoiling all the benefits that the association was established for. TRM can help clear the air, bring whispers out into the open and negotiate a path towards healing of the rifts.
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Frequently Asked Questions
No. You will be able to talk about your feelings and the impact that behaviour is having on you but the approach is mediation not counselling.
Mediation is a more structured approach that is future focused. In transformative mediation it is important to understand and acknowledge past hurts but what is more important is the focus on the future and how you can avoid hurting each other again.
You can book in for a dispute diagnostic with one of our certified Transformative Relationship Mediators for a fee, obligation free professional review of your situation and recommendations regarding the most appropriate dispute resolution process for your situation.
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We can connect you with certified transformative relationship mediators who can help you talk about your relationship in a respectful, confidential and transformative way.