Post Separation Parenting Help is not a luxury. It is a necessity for many parents to help to bridge the gap between being in a couple to being separated parents working together for your child’s best interests.
Parenting after you separate is usually hard, frustrating and has the potential to cause long-term harm to your children if you get it badly wrong.
On the one hand your relationship with your children’s other parent is so damaged that you (or they) or both of you don’t want to be relationship partners anymore.
There may have been separation violence or even a history of violence in the relationship. One of you may have spent a lot of time and energy on controlling the other and isn’t quite ready to let go yet.
Even if your relationship wasn’t one that experienced high levels of conflict during the relationship it is likely that you’re feeling angry, disappointed and possibly sad about the end of your marriage.
You are most likely not at your best and most collaborative and neither is your former partner.
Unfortunately now more than ever your children need you to be the parent and able to support them through all the changes they will experience due to your marriage ending.
In the majority of cases, even if there has been some family violence, the children will continue to have contact with you both at some level.
You may have shared care where the children share their time between sleeping at your house and your former partners.
The child may live with one of you and spend significant and substantial time with the other.
If that is not possible then there will still probably be some form of contact between parents and children. It is generally considered by the researchers who have studied post separation parenting to be in the child’s best interest to maintain a relationship with their parents and extended family.
You are going to be asked to support that while you are feeling angry and upset with your former partner and perhaps their parents and other family members over things that have been said and done during the break up and before.
Family Dispute Resolution provides a supported way to work out and then modify parenting agreements without the cost and drama of going to court. You or your former partner may have resisted the concept of sharing care for your children and have ended up in Family Court. Even if you have court orders they are unlikely to be the best arrangement for your children long-term until they grow up. You can usually use Family Dispute Resolution services to tweak parenting arrangements even if they have been made into a Court Order.
Wherever you are on the post separation parenting journey you are probably looking around for information, tools and resources to help you. Practical Help
Family Dispute Resolution provides practical help to work out parenting agreements and to review them as your children grow or your situation changes.
We think that you should have a long-term relationship with your family dispute resolution practitioner almost like a GP where they have the opportunity to get to know your family and can anticipate some of the issues you are going to experience and give you referrals, tools and resources to help.
We don’t think that you should treat Family Dispute Resolution like an emergency department and just turn up and take whoever is assigned to you as if understanding your family and your unique situation doesn’t matter.
The government subsidised FDR services are also a bit like an emergency department because of the waiting lists but instead of hours you may find that you are waiting for days or weeks until you can get booked in and start your family dispute resolution process.
If you really want to pay the absolute minimum for help to sort out parenting issues with your former partner then the government subsidised FDR services do the job but if you are willing to pay a moderate fee for a professional service then services like Interact Support are a good option. Our fees are $198 per hour for standard phone or video mediation or $198 per person per hour for our high conflict services.
If you want good availability and face to face services then one of our independent family dispute resolution practitioners may be in your area. They run independent practices and their fees vary based on their location, experience and pricing structures. Our team.
One of the biggest challenges is finding good quality reference material and resources when you are in the process of restructuring your family post separation.
Below is a list of some books and studies you might like to review. We’d love to hear of any others that you have found helpful.
- When Parents Part – Penelope Leach (2015) New York. Albert.A.Knopf (Link goes to Amazon)
- Because It’s For The Kids – Jennifer McIntosh – (2005) Children Beyond Dispute – http://childrenbeyonddispute.com/parentsycids/because-its-for-the-kids-e-book/
- Don’t Alienate The Kids – Bill Eddy,LCSW,JD (2010) HCI Press – Canada (Link goes to Amazon)
- Splitsville – Clarissa Rayward – 2015 – Paradigm Print Media – Singapore (Link goes to Amazon
- Post separation parenting arrangements – Patterns and developmental outcomes: Studies of two risk groups Jennifer McIntosh, Bruce Smyth, Margaret Kelaher, Yvonne Wells and Caroline Long https://aifs.gov.au/publications/family-matters/issue-86/post-separation-parenting-arrangements
- Measuring Post Divorce Living Arrangements – Theoretical and Empirical Validation of The Residential Calendar An Katrien Sodermans, Sofie Vanassche, http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X12464947?journalCode=jfia