Parental alienation is hard to prove and reverse.
What happens when a child is alienated?
When a child is alienated either because of something you’ve done such as them witnessing family violence or other frightening behaviour or through the deleberate actions of others the result is the same.
A child who is alienated from a parent or other family member feels that they are unsafe, untrustworthy and unloving towards them.
In the case of parental alienation that may be caused in part or in full by their other parent or family members deliberately building up those beliefs that you are unsafe and untrustworthy.
But take the time to consider your own behaviour.
Putting yourself in your child’s perspective.
- Have you behaved in ways that would be frightening to them?
- Have you met their needs when they have been in your care or have you ignored them or neglected their needs?
- Have you gone away for long periods of time causing them to mourn your loss and then fear trusting that you’ll be there when they need you?
Proving that the other parent has deliberately alienated you
This can be hard to do and if you are not in court probably not even worth it. They may be deliberately undermining you or they may be transmitting their own fear and lack of trust in you on to your children causing them to also be fearful.
If there have been frightening incidents of family violence in the past the best way to go is to let go of the need to prove they have alienated your child and focus on building a trusting co-parenting relationship one interaction at a time.
If you are in court and need to prove alienation as part of your case speak with your lawyer about what is and isn’t considered evidence in court.
Rebuilding a trusted parenting relationship
The only thing that you really have control over is your own behaviour.
If you have contact with your children then you can begin to reverse the process of alienation and rebuild trust by proving to them through your words and actions that you do love them, care for them, have their needs at heart and are there for them as much as you can be. This article on 5 Steps to Reversing Parental Alienation may give you some ideas about how to do that.
If you are having trouble with contact we may be able to assist by providing Parenting Mediation Services if you or the child is living in Australia. Parenting Mediation.